http://amandacoggin.com Capturing what you want to see. Writing what you want to read. Wed, 28 Oct 2009 03:04:17 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en Lit Crawl 2008 in Clarion Alley during Litquake, San Francisco's (Finest) Literary Festival. Dear Grams, It’s been five years since you died and I had an itch to write you an update, much like the one I would have given you in your pale yellow kitchen once you waved me in from ... http://amandacoggin.com/2008/10/15/a-letter-to-grams-with-shades-of-hope/ I met my boyfriend’s brother for coffee and walked away with my boyfriend’s ashes. As I stood waiting for my name to be called, hoping for distraction from the silence, I took a deep breath. In the last fifteen minutes, I hadn’t heard his brother once say my boyfriend’s name. ... http://amandacoggin.com/2008/02/27/my-boyfriend%e2%80%99s-ashes/ Last summer, my boyfriend Bryce, and I went to see the film, A Prairie Home Companion. I had always loved Garrison Keillor’s simple Midwestern sarcasm from NPR on Sunday mornings and figured the all-star cast would keep our attention. Within twenty minutes, Bryce and I turned to each other and ... http://amandacoggin.com/2007/08/29/34/ I never believed in ghosts. I didn’t ever have a reason to, but since Bryce took his life, there have been too many occasions for me not to believe. It’s true. In the six months since Bryce’s death, I’ve changed. I’m what some might now call a believer. Some people ... http://amandacoggin.com/2007/07/31/there-are-no-coincidences/ You once told me that I was your home, and I wrote it down so that I would never forget. I clung to that wrinkled piece of paper by mistake, like it was an extension of your heart. But then I learned that paper can never wrap its arms around you, or hold your hand ... http://amandacoggin.com/2007/07/10/you%e2%80%99re-my-home/ A friend explained the concept of “experiencing firsts” to me while I sat weepy across the table picking at delicious baked goods that I could hardly enjoy. “It’s going to be like that first morning when you found out about Bryce’s suicide. Each time you experience something for the first ... http://amandacoggin.com/2007/06/26/remembering-him-best/ When a friend’s dog was left for dead in the dirt road that led to her mountain ranch last fall, I was the one who was on the phone with her when she found him. “Oh, there’s a dog in the middle of the road,” was her first comment with ... http://amandacoggin.com/2007/05/24/serve-them-tear-soup-kids-can-handle-it/ One of the things that has happened since my partner’s suicide is that I’m carrying the burden of not only my own skeletons, but the skeletons that he left behind. It’s a heavy burden to bear and I’m constantly reminded while I navigate this grief how it’s really a two ... http://amandacoggin.com/2007/05/09/tiny-bits-of-kindness/ When I got the news that my boyfriend killed himself on a rainy morning three months ago, I experienced shock for the first time in my life. I walked around not knowing what to do with myself. Once some time, screams and tears had passed, I took some deep breaths, ... http://amandacoggin.com/2007/05/03/surviving-trauma-how-the-support-group-saved-my-life/ I’ve seen you now Two times I feel The hair I loved to put my fingers through And the furry blue coat with pockets to hold my hands The other morning you took my breath away when you walked towards me Tonight you were a ghost to remind me that you were gone On a ... http://amandacoggin.com/2007/04/18/the-ghost-of-you/